Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Potty Song

That's right. You're about to hear the Tiger. Live and in person singing one of her mommy's originals. The title has been cleaned up slightly, but yes, THIS is the song. If you missed the back story, you can find it here.

Now, you're gonna have to slide on over to FB to see this, because I didn't want to go through YouTube and that's the only way Blogger will let me post a video. But don't panic. You don't actually have to have a FB account to see my page. Just click or on my little FB icon over to the right and you can play it to your heart's content.

And the ACTUAL song lyrics for those of you who are just desperate to know are as follows (tune is Wheels on the Bus as my very astute 3 year old pointed out to me. I had no idea when I made it up):

Verse #1
There once was a girl named
There once was a girl named
Who wanted a popsicle

Verse #2
Her mommy said 
Her mommy said 

I'll get you a popsicle

When you poo poo on the potty

Then, when the deed was done, the song, certainly, had to be sung all over as I got her that prized popsicle with altered lyrics, of course, to: "BECAUSE you poo pooed on the potty!" And that time my friends, I didn't have to fake the enthusiasm!

So there you have it! At this point, I have no plans to copyright those stellar lyrics, so feel free to swap that name out and use it yourself. And I must say, a popsicle has worked WONDERS for this otherwise hold out of a child I've got. (Get Edy's they're pure fruit. No added sugar or artificial sweeteners. Then you can feel free to popsicle away!)

'Til next time...

P.S. And yeah, I totally know that none of you are surprised that one of MY children would SEIZE upon the opportunity to be in front of an audience/camera and try to hold onto that limelight for as long as possible. That second song would be Tiger's rendition of "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain. She's a big Gene Kelly Fan. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

My inner competitor’s first go on the hamster wheel

Friday was a non-running day for me. The day before my long run I like to do a little cross training instead. Usually, I’ll swim laps while my super awesome extraordinarily fabulous babysitter gives the Tiger a little swimming lesson and RunPapa watches my not so little peanut (a week ago at 3 1/2 months she was weighing in at 15lbs!)

But last week I wasn’t feeling so hot. I was tired, sore everywhere, running a fever a couple of days and my stomach was confused. It couldn’t decide whether or not it was starving or in great need of emptying its contents in a rather unpleasant fashion. And while I may run despite what ails me from time to time, I’m not so tough when it comes to the pool. On a run, if I pass out, I fall off the treadmill which yes, would probably hurt. But on a swim, if I pass out, I drown and that’s just never a good thing.  I opted to walk instead.

So after I got the Tiger all ready for the pool and handed her off to my very capable babysitter, I headed upstairs to the Rec Center’s indoor track, somewhere I’d never been before.

And let me tell you, I was entirely shocked when I opened the door to see it was pretty well packed considering it was the middle of a week day after all. I figured there’d be a few people, but I don’t know, there were maybe 15-20 people already up there walking. So I stood there a minute, kind of taken aback. I was suddenly faced with an unexpected first, how exactly to merge in with a group of people walking at a pretty good clip without getting run over and/or making a fool of myself, rookie that I was. I mean, should I back up and get myself a good walking start or stand there on the edge and wait for a break then jump in? I was so unprepared and didn’t feel well to boot. My brain was not functioning at full capacity and no one told me that skills were going to be involved when I had the brilliant idea to embark on this adventure. I didn’t want to end up that 2nd hamster that tries to hop on the spinning wheel with the first hamster while it’s in motion and ends up rolling upside down around the wheel a couple times before flying off. What to do? What to do?

I finally decided to just hop in the third lane, the only one that was open and quickly get up to speed. After a minute or two, I thought to myself, “hey, this is not so bad!” and started reading all the signs on the wall:

Walk in this > direction – “Ok. Got it. Check.”

1 Mile = 16 1/2 laps – “Wow. That’s a lot of laps. But yeah this is pretty tiny.”

Lane 1 Walkers. Lane 2 Fast Walkers/Joggers. Lane 3 Runners- “Oh crud! That’s why no one is in this lane! It’s for Runners. Wait. There’s no runners here. I’m good.” Then I look around. NOBODY was in that lane. “Aw geez. I better get outta here” I thought to myself. I didn’t want to be THAT girl,  the big rule breaker, making a bad name for runners everywhere….at least not on my first day.

So I slid over to lane 2, but lane three was calling me. “Kelly, come run! Kelly, come run!” I wasn’t SUPPOSED to run, but in lane 2 I kept having to walk around people. If I ran, I could have that WHOLE lane all to myself. Clear path. Just sail on by. “No. I don’t have my running shoes on,” I sensibly told myself. “These are my walking shoes, albeit they ARE an old pair of running shoes just wore out and minus the orthotics.” I kept walking, but with one eye on the 3rd lane. “You know, I could run really slow. That’d be KIND of like walking and I’m sure my shoes would be just fine for that.” I reasoned, but ,“No. no. I’m still not feeling well. I don’t want to push it when I’ve got a long run tomorrow.”

More walking. More pondering. “I could push my long run to Sunday. Plus, I’d be able to cover more ground in this 20 minutes running than walking. Besides, I’ll be the only rock star runner in this bunch. Plus, I’m not feeling THAT bad,” ran my thoughts. “Screw it.” I wanted my own lane. I started running.

“Neener neener suckers! It’s all mine! So lookout I’m flying by on your right Smile with tongue out“  I reveled in my (barely fast enough to be considered) running glory.

But it was short lived. I swear I hadn’t run more than a lap when I heard fast footsteps behind me. I looked back. Yep. Some young whippersnapper, who had up to this point just been off to the side doing a bunch of stretches and exercises, was now running…and faster than I was. By doing so she had (surely on purpose) relegated me to the role of jogger. I had to slide over to fast walker/jogger lane (where running was entirely impossible because of all the walkers) and let her by. Goodbye my sweet lane!

But wait! You see, my brilliance knows no bounds, because what I realized was that if I just picked up the pace enough to keep her within eyeshot, I could STILL have wide open running space in front of me without fear of holding anyone up behind me either. It was only if I let her run so much faster than me that I couldn’t see her that I’d need to worry about shifting lanes again. So…I picked up the pace. Ha HA! I still had my own lane (kinda) after all.

For all of a minute…then I heard the fast footsteps again. “You have GOT to be kidding me!” I shouted (in my head). I slid over AGAIN and let the culprit pass. Another whippersnapper, this time of the male persuasion, came flying by and I do mean flying. “Oh PLEASE! You are running way too fast for this teeny track and totally just doing it to impress runner girl. Stop it. You’re being stupid and you’re running a strong risk of flying off this hamster wheel into a wall or one of these nice senior citizens.” I reasoned with him (in my head). And I know you’re thinking, “come on now Kelly, you can never be running TOO fast.” But yes, yes you can. For example, when you’re an adult running in a kids race OR when you’re running on a track that’s only 1/16 of a mile (the size of basketball court to put it in perspective) and it’s full of old people, I’m gonna go ahead and say 5 minute miles are unacceptable (ok yeah, I’m exaggerating. He probably wasn’t running that fast, but you get me right?)

Back to lane 2 for me, but I was annoyed this time. No way was I picking up the pace to keep the wannabe Kenyan in sight. I’d stick to lane 2 where possible, but he was just gonna have to keep doing his fancy weaving in and out if I didn’t hear him in time and I had happened to move to lane three to pass someone. “You’re wrecking my cross training!” I yelled (in my head) as he flew by a second time.

But he only did a couple of laps, then he petered off and headed for a weight machine. “Ha! Ya big showoff!  You call that a run?” I thought in his general direction as he left. And then, to my surprise, so too did Little Miss Flexible head off after a couple of laps. Lane 3 was mine all mine again (Woohoo!!!)

So at this point I had been running for maybe 15 minutes. I headed around again for another lap but noticed it was getting to be about time to go retrieve the TIger and ok, the sick was kicking in. I’ll admit it, I was tired from running too fast to try and keep up (or stay out of the way of) those youngsters I had at least 10 years on.

And just as I was about to slow it down and walk again, this ringer, one of the seniors who had been walking the whole time I was there, picks it up and starts running. Well, of course, I couldn’t just stop running the minute he started. What would that look like (because surely all those people cared Winking smile)? So I ran a couple more laps before easing into a walk, just about the time another senior started running. “Let it go Kelly. Just let it go. You’ve got to go get your kid.”

So the moral of this story? Remember, we’re all just one runner away from being the jogger of the bunch and vice versa. We’re all just a walker away from being the runner in the bunch. “Fast” is all relative and it doesn’t matter in the long run (no pun intended). What’s important is that we do it anyway. Well…that and hamsters are stupid.

'Til next time...

P.S. I did the impossible. I caught the Tiger on film. That’s right, I’ve got the poop song on video. If I can figure out how to upload it and post it, you’re all gonna love this!

P.P.S. You should probably all know that it’s quite possibly that everyone that was at the Rec Center’s indoor track the day I ran there would probably tell you I’m certifiably insane, because of the goofy grin on my face the whole time as I thought about the silliness of it all. In fact, I’m pretty sure I laughed right out loud a few times. See what I’m willing to do for you guys? Actually, maybe that’ll be another way of scoring my own lane Smile

P.P.P.S. If offended any hamsters in the making of this post, please know it was not my intent. You have my apology. Carry on in your furry cuteness.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Oh the things I’ll do to get in a run!

Sleep in my running clothes.

Push a baby in a jogging stroller.

Feed a baby a bottle while pushing her in the jogging stroller.

Hire a babysitter.

Skip a warm up and/or cool down.

Forgo a post run shower and full on stank the rest of the day.

Suck down a Gu and call that lunch or dinner before I hit the treadmill.

Close my eyes and walk away from the disaster that is my house.

Borrow someone else’s shoes (socks, sports bra, workout clothes, etc)

Steal my husband’s running socks.

Stick my ponytail lacking a forgotten hair tie through a hat and call it good.

Setup a play area within eyeshot of the treadmill in my basement and run in short intervals determined by the whims of the child of mine who was so fortunate to accompany me. (Run. Get her a drink. Run. Fix her video game. Run. Take her to the potty. Run. Help her find her missing toy.)

To name just a few strategies I’ve employed to weasel my way into a run. But yesterday…yesterday might just take the cake.

Now, I’ve written before about my potty training struggles with the thoroughly disinterested Tiger of mine. It was getting slightly ridiculous in my humble opinion. But I’m happy to report, she’s now doing much much better. Barring an occasional accident (usually when mom forgets to ask), she’s got the whole peeing in the potty thing down. It’s the other we’re still having a …um…less than delightful challenge with.

As long as I am paying close attention, I can tell when it’s coming if you know what I mean. I catch her and get her to the potty right away. Sometimes (and I do mean sometimes) she’ll tell me. The real challenge here lies in timing.

If I’ve not been so fortunate as to get her to put the crown jewels in the thrown by nap time, I’ve a major problem. You see, the Tiger is no longer capable of tolerating poo in her diaper. It’s “distinky” and also sometimes “gusting.” And since she’s incapable of tolerating such wretched filth, this means that should it happen during nap time, she’s totally going to make her own 3 year old attempt at taking care of it. This is not good. Not by a long shot.

But if it’s not ready, it’s not ready. You can’t really force it out of her. And it certainly doesn’t help matters that the Tiger is FAR too busy to sit around and wait. So if it’s not knocking at the door, it’s a no go. She’s out of there. As for nap time however, she’s got all the time in the world and nothing better to do. You see my problem. No poop = no nap. No nap = no run. **SIGH**

So yesterday, with a run on the agenda and my daughter not fulfilling her daughterly duties by lunch time. I started to get nervous. By noon, there was a pit in my stomach. It HAD to be done by 1:00 gosh darn it, or there wouldn’t be enough time to get the nap/run in AND make it to my daughter’s school to pick her up on time. And I really REALLY needed that run (I’d explain. But I know that’s not necessary here Smile It was just one of those days.)  

Then around 12:15ish, I thought I smelled something. But I STILL couldn’t get that little booger to sit still long enough to take care of it. Growing desperate, I attempted a bribe. A popsicle. She was thrilled! And…promptly ran over to the potty, peed and ran away begging for her popsicle. ARGH! If only I could get her to sit still long enough, I just knew I get in that run, my precious sweet run. So I did the only thing I could think of…

I sang. And not just any song. Oh no! I made up a poop song to keep her entertained on the pot. A song that I sang for close to 20 MINUTES mind you to keep her sitting still in position and let nature take it’s course.

20 MINUTES! Over and over and over and over… She was so amused. Me not so much so, but like any good mom, I faked it and sang my guts out with a smile on my face. Now, I know you all are just sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to hear the song lyrics, and I’ve tried to type them up for you, but really it just looks stupid. Plus you don’t know the tune and without it that just makes the grammy worthy song sound silly. Maybe I’ll see if I can get Tiger to sing it and I’ll post it for you instead (don’t hold your breath though).

Anyhow, finally, at about 12:58, she did it! And that popsicle was all hers. By 1:00, she was in bed (yep, she eats them fast. No mess that way. It rocks). A minute or two later, I was on the treadmill happily running. Then, 3/4 of a mile into my run, the baby woke up and started wailing.


(Ok…not exactly wailing in that picture. It was a pause between tears to figure out what I was doing with that camera.)

Ah well…‘tis the life of a running mom…

'Til next time...
P.S. I hear Google Friend connect is going to be a thing of the past soon. You may want to go give me a like on FB, follow me on Twitter or subscribe by email (upper left) if you don’t want to miss any of my vitally important posts on poop, kids, running and wild ferocious nonexistent bear cubs that may thwart my marathon attempt. If you’re not much of a fan, well, I’m not entirely sure what you’re doing here anyway, but see ya when I see ya.