Thursday, January 27, 2011

Can I get some baby abs to go please?

Make that minus the chub of course.

Just a random observation yesterday. Babies have rock hard abs. I mean seriously, have you seen the abs on your toddler? What grown adult person can do the kinds of things with their abs, even on a really hard workout day, that your kiddo does everyday. Repeatedly. They are unbelievable. Truly amazing. Just think about it for a second….SEE! I told you! (Not getting it yet? Read on. You will.)

So here’s what I propose: a strength training plan for your abdominals based on none other than your precious little darlings. The best part of this super fabulous plan: it won’t require any extra additional time from you whatsoever. You can just incorporate these exercises into your day wherever they fit best, much like your peanut does to you everyday. That plan, I think it’d look a little something like this:

Toddler 6 for a 6 Pack

1. Nope Kicks: Whenever somebody wants you to do something you are not particularly fond of doing, just lie down on your back and kick your legs repeatedly, up and down like scissors. For the full effect of this exercise, also turn your head from side to side and say “nope, nope, nope” repeatedly. Not required, but apparently part of the fun.

2. Board Resistance: Whenever somebody wants you to go somewhere you are not particularly fond of going, don’t move. Don’t say a word. Just contract every muscle in your body as tightly as you possibly can, arms remaining firmly planted to your sides. Think of yourself as a giant board. Not only is this an excellent exercise for toning practically your entire body, but you will also make yourself fairly difficult to move if that somebody, whom we’ll refer to from this point on as your “personal trainer,” tries to take you to said undesirable location by force. You are virtually impossible to be picked up in this position. Advanced: Repetitions. Once picked up, toss your head backwards and do the Spaghetti Noodle, relaxing every muscle in your body. Think, “I’m a noodle” as you do this to achieve the correct level of floppy noodleness. You will be extremely difficult to hold and as such most likely released by your personal trainer. Once released, immediately resume Board Resistance, because you are probably going to be picked up again. Repeat these repetitions until either you or your personal trainer wears out.

3. Stationary Running and/or Bicycle: For this move you’ll need your personal trainer to lift you up under the arms in front of them, your back to their stomach. Similar to the above exercise, this one will be most effective when you are being taken somewhere you don’t want to go. Once in the air, use your legs to run as fast as you can away from your personal trainer (on cross training days, use your imaginary bicycle instead). You won’t get away, but you’ll definitely be on your way to a stronger core.

4. Bedtime Modified V-Sits: At bedtime, when you are still plenty full of energy (or so you think), lie down on your back on your bed. Raise your legs together straight up in the air and flop them down on your bed as hard as you can so that they bounce a few times. Laugh wildly. Repeat until you fall asleep. Advanced: Also lift up your head and shoulders so you can watch your hilarious legs bounce.

5. Superman Tantrum: For those moments when you are REALLY mad (or you miss your nap), lie down face first on to the floor. Sob. Kick your feet. Flail your arms a little. When you get no response from your personal trainer, pause for a moment, then lift up your head. Hold your arms straight out in front of you, legs out straight behind you off the floor and check to make sure your personal trainer is still there. Once spotted, resume tantrum. Repeat until trainer gives in or you see that your sister has one of your toys.

6. The Squeeze (my personal favorite): When you see your personal trainer first thing in the morning, when they come back from having gone somewhere, or when that generally lovey dubby snuggly feeling hits you, run to your personal trainer with arms wide open. They will be forced to scoop you up in a bear hug. Hug them back and squeeze them as tightly as you can with both your arms and legs, contracting your stomach muscles in the process. Say something like, “I wuv you Mommy” (or in the case of my 2 year old “I ahh you Mommy”). This will probably be the exercise your personal trainer requests of you most often, but I’m pretty sure you’ll like it too.

Repeat this routine daily and that six pack will be yours in no time. And no. Don’t thank me. Thank Tiger Toddler.

 'Til next time...

P.S. From this post, I’ll give you one guess what kind of day I had yesterday. Need another hint. Exercise #6 was pretty much absent from the routine and the day ended with dinner at about 8, a glass of wine, and NO run. Let’s just say The Tiger won’t be missing any more naps any time soon as long as I can help it.

P.P.S. Did you get in on my super delicious Red Gold Tomato giveaway yet? What? You hadn’t heard? Click here for details.

15 comments:

Angela said...

That was one of the funniest post I have read today. Thanks for the giggles.

SupermomE12 said...

That was GREAT and so so so so true. SORRY about your rotten day. I have definitely found that life is better for all when sleep (naps included) and meals are messed with as little as possible. :)
Hope today is better!

Meg O said...

Haha so true, this was too funny! I always say the same thing, especially when babies are first learning to sit up, they keep their core engaged for such a long time!

Michelle said...

Awesome. Love it and so, so true!

Tonya said...

Hey I have rock hard abs under my chub too!!! :-) Great post. I really want to try #1 today.

misszippy said...

Ah yes, I remember those days! But maybe they are onto something!

timothyodell said...

Now That was funny!!!

runnanna said...

Hilarious...I love when you get me laughing out loud. I was laughing at your post, laughing while picturing the tiger going through the routine, and hysterically laughing as I imagined YOU going through the exercises ! They do kind of sound like fun if you're doing the moves yourself and not having to deal with them ! Too funny!

Medievalist said...

this was clever and hilarious!

Heather said...

Thanks for the laugh.
Do you think screaming contributes to the abs. My two youngest scream for EVERYTHING...happy, sad, bored.

I may give it a whirl.

Karen said...

I love it! My two year old is a chub, so her abs aren't visible, but my eight year old has an unbelievable six pack.

AbigailRuns said...

What a fun post! You always manage to make me smile :)

Melissa C said...

That was great! It is amazing how hard those little tummies are! We also have an exercise here similar to #4, but it happens during diaper changes....

MickiRuns said...

LOL... but somehow their guts resemble tadpoles... ?!

MAllen said...

lol! Exercise #1 has been repeated a few times in our house today...