Saturday, November 20, 2010

That’s it…I’m out and DO NOT try to talk me back in

I will not be running any races any time soon. And no I’m not just saying that this time or trying to trick you into reading further on into my post only to admit that I WILL actually probably run something at some point in the very near future. We’re talking at least spring here.

And I’m also not looking for some rah rah motivational or inspirational pick me up please comments to get me back on track (which you all are so totally and appreciatively good at when needed btw, thank-you, thank-you).

I’m done racing for this year and a good chunk of the next. Period. 

You see, I had seriously intended on training straight through the holidays this time year. In fact, I made up a training plan to run the Rock ‘n Roll marathon in Arizona in January. But then rolled around that little cold, mental running burnout and an unintended break which left me with really not enough time to gear it back up for the whole 26.2. No worries though, I figured I’d just train for the 1/2 instead.

And here’s the point where I’d like to say “but” and then go on to list the nine thousand various things I have to do for the holidays, (you know, the list of things that absolutely no other mother out there except for me has so that I’m completely justified in everything I say here and no one can argue. That list.) but I’ll spare you.

Now, I’m not into making excuses. In fact, I can only imagine the snickers and eye rolls I’d get if I wrote what I’m actually thinking which is I just don’t have the time right now to squeeze in marathon training. Because let’s be frank here, you always have time to do the things you want to do. IF you want to do whatever “it” is bad enough, you’ll make the time. And I’m already aware that some of you rock star running moms out there are doing just that, whatever it takes to get those big up and coming races done. You ladies are awesome!

But right now, what I want most is not a PR or a new running challenge. All I want is a joyful holiday season with my family. One that does not involve me making a mad dash to the shower after an early morning run, followed by angrily bluffing my children to call off their trip to the Santa Breakfast if they don’t get their coat and hat and gloves and shoes on RIGHT NOW so we won’t be late or cutting short the decorating of my 4 year old’s cookie masterpieces that for crying out loud have enough sprinkles on them already one evening only because my tempo run is still hanging over my head.

With the extra constraints on my time right now to make our holidays happy, something’s got to give and the biggest chunk of time in my day that CAN give is running since at least at this point my kids can’t feed, bathe, or apparently even just occupy themselves (at least not in a way I won’t pay for later) without mommy’s help. They need me for all that.

And here’s the thing that I know about myself, a fatal character flaw if you will. (**Deep breath** …about to be brutally honest here.) When I am pressed for time, I am not nice. I’m grumpy, impatient and bossy which is basically fun for no one around me (and for that matter, it’s not too thrilling for me either). I am not the mom I want to be or the mom my children deserve.

Now, don’t panic. I’m not hanging up my running shoes altogether. I’m just shifting into maintenance mode, 3-5 easy paced miles, 4-5 days per week. And as appealing as all the races my family and friends keep emailing me and doing their best to convince me to run “just for fun,” I’m going to pass, because even though races “just for fun” are exactly that, they also seem to fan a little competitive flame that I find extremely hard to resist.

Now, here’s the weird part. The minute I “officially” made the decision to back off some, the guilt set in. Which seems so totally bizarre because I remember feeling the very same guilt at various points of my marathon training because I felt like I was taking too much time away from my family to run. Now that I’m on the flip side, I’m feeling guilty for not running MORE. I guess, in the words of my 4 year old: “You’re Dawned if you do, Dawned if you don’t.” (Not that she actually knows that saying, we just had this whole conversation recently about how saying “Dawn it!” is not ok. She overheard her Papa, but didn’t exactly get it quite right.  I figure I might as well nip it in the bud while it’s still a bud. Why the capital D? Because when I called her out on it after she repeated the phrase tonight when she knocked down her block tower by accident she said: “What? I’m just saying your friend’s name Mommy. You know, Miss Dawn?” as if she got me on a technicality or something. Too bad for her that didn’t fly either.)

So anyway, that’s the deal with me folks, but never fear. I guarantee 15-20 miles a week of holiday running will still churn out its own unique set of stories I’m sure. Plus there’s those giveaways too. So there will be posts. Besides, you know I’m gonna have to update you all on the potty training :-P I wouldn’t dare dream of leaving you all hanging on that!

So here’s to a stress free and memorable holiday season with a little running on the side! Anybody with me?

'Til next time...


P.S. I should probably clarify before I get in trouble, my Dad was not overheard by my 4 year old saying the actual swear word. What he said was, “Darn it!” But did you ever notice how even fairly tame language just does not sound right coming out of a very little kid? I had no idea how many things I say that I probably shouldn’t until they were repeated by my daughter (even if it was kind of funny the first time I heard her say them). And I’m not even talking profanity here, one trip with me in the car during rush hour and she’s got a mouthful of expressions that are probably better left unsaid. Yeesh!(Yes. Yes I have officially scolded or punished myself for some sort inappropriate language in attempt to hopefully keep the same language from being repeated.)


Heather said...

You are right. We make time for what we want to do. You want to spend relaxed holiday time with your family and there is no reason to feel guilty for that.
I understand.
I will still be looking forward to hearing from you!

runnanna said...

Sounds like it's time for another type of fun! But speaking for all of us slower, not so competetive runners....Your mainenance, back off, out of it mileage IS my training mileage ! "Dawn it!" So let's not feel guilty about it! Enjoy the holidays. All my future e-mails will be about Christmas parades, shopping, cookies, and Santa breakfasts!

runningwithababyonboard said...

I totally understand that guilt. It's like as soon as we become mothers, we feel guilt about everything. You're a great mommy. :)

Holly said...

Good for you for thinking about yourself!!! After the holidays I'm going to start training for a 1/2 marathon for the end of April. I've got my first race, a 10K on Thanksgiving with my sister in law, than I'm going into rest/maintain mode (which is the same amount as my training mode now, just no tempo or speed work until after the new year :-L) You can visit me

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

TOTALLY get it! I hear ya loud and clear, have a 10mile in early December. I look forward to just
running to run, and not to train, it will be a great experiment!