And I know a thing or two about skunk funk being that I’ve run through it on occasion in the wee hours of the morning at the park. As a matter of fact, this past weekend on my long run, I woke up real quick when I spotted a teeny little black critter headed my way.
It was early on, mile 2, still dark and my pops, who was accompanying me on his bike, and I had just finished talking about my sister’s run in with a snarling pack of raccoons on her long run the day before, when lo and behold, I thought I saw something moving up ahead. I still had raccoons on the brain and since they’re not uncommon to see in my area while running, I figured it was one of the masked bandits (which would also have made me pick up the pace. They totally freak me out). But there is a major size difference between these two wild beasts of the night, not too mention raccoons have a rather distinct gait as opposed to the slow steady movements of a skunk (cause really? Why would he need to run? Who’s gonna mess with him?). And the closer I got to his general locale, I realized this was definitely no raccoon, but it just didn’t register right away as to what sort of little guy was moving in my direction. Cat maybe?
I kept running and an eye on the unidentified hopefully non-threatening animal trying to figure it out (remember, it was still really dark). Hmmm….what’s small, black and oh look…lifts it’s tail stick straight up into the air just like that? Cue the light bulb.
“That’s a skunk!” I yelled to my dad, pointing as I picked up the pace to an all out sprint before he let that God awful smell loose as I’m assuming he was about to do, hence the whole tail raising. I don’t actually know if that is some sort of skunk warning sign, since I am certainly no skunk expert, but I’m figuring a scent like that could only come from one possible location and he’d probably need to get his tail out of the way to make that happen. Maybe not though. Maybe skunks are plagued with a massive case of halitosis and I’ve got it all wrong.
Fortunately, he was not quick on the draw and my dad and I were spared 16 miles drenched in Ode de Pepé Le Pew (in other words I am both faster than a speeding mosquito AND an annoyed skunk. Take that nature!). Unfortunately, it seems the little guy radioed ahead to let one of his buddies know we were coming. About a mile and a half later, we had the distinct pleasure of running into that delightful smell me missed earlier. Yum. Although, I AM massively thankful to have not run into the perp head on for sure. He was nowhere in sight though his presence was duly noted.
So what could possibly be worse than skunk funk? Heed this warning. Please, I beg you. For your own sake and the sake of those around you.
Should you choose to run 18 miles in the sweltering heat, literally rendering the wicking properties of the hi tech fabric of your running clothes useless, then follow that with an ice bath in those same said sweat drenched clothes (why in your clothes? Because mentally, it is somehow less cold, but still just as effective) at your parents’ house before making the drive home for a shower, thus requiring you to transport your wrung out, although still wet clothes in a plastic bag, YOU MUST (read this carefully) YOU MUST TAKE THOSE CLOTHES OUT OF THE PLASTIC BAG AND WASH THEM THE MINUTE YOU GET HOME.
Under no circumstances, regardless of how tired you may be from the run or distracted by your children who are so excited to see you that you’d think you just got back from a month long trip rather than a couple hour run (must of which they slept through btw), should you forget about your clothes. Because 2 day old sweaty wet clothes that have been tied up tight in a plastic bag so the stink doesn’t get out will aromatically multiply exponentially. It is FAR FAR worse than running through skunk funk. It’s almost that “Come here you’ve got to smell this” kind of stink. You know, because you need someone to verify the absolute wretchedness of the scent, as if it’s somehow less stinky if you smell it alone or single sniffer smelling just does not do the funk justice. It’s bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.
I’m hoping my washer is not powerless against it. Rinse and repeat…
P.S. Another Gu review is just moments away! Which puts us that much closer to a Gu giveaway!