Wednesday, April 29, 2009

So...I See We Are Protesting & And A Little Something For the Moms of Multiples

Apparently I have made my point. Since we usually average, oh say, 4-5 comments on a post and I have received nada on the last one, I'm going to take that as a sign. Those looking for short posts will have to take themselves elsewhere because the wonderfully crazy followers I do have don't like them. And who I am if not a person for the people?

So from this point on, I'll be true to me even at the cost of disenfranchising a few people with short attention spans (wait...I short poster fans can go find me on twitter where I struggle daily to shorten my silliness into just 140 characters. It's quite a site to see)

And onto the moms of multiples. How I have somehow been blessed to have a few supermoms following my blog I will never know. (I am so not worthy) But in the last week or so we've had two moms of triplets (and triplets in their toddler years no less, Oy!) join our ranks. Both starting off on new running journies, one is raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society AND taking on her first marathon. The other taking on a feat just as daunting, how to re-engage after some time off. And here's my struggle, how can I possibly encourage these brave women on. I can not even begin to imagine the daily strains on their time schedules and what I find difficult to manage with my little darlings must only be multiplied.

And the simple truth of it is...cheerleader, yes I can and will do that for these moms (and for anybody else who needs one by the way :-), but motivator, probably not.

So accepting this weakness and moving on, I've found something or someone rather that might just do the trick. And I want to share this with you all because not only will these very special and very tough moms with triplets be able to relate, but if this doesn't kick all of our butts to get off the couch and get moving. I don't know what will.

Meet the Spokeswoman for the Supermoms of Running: Jenny Masche (so just in case you don't know you need to click her name there and it will take you to a little video. There might be a commercial first...sorry...can't help that. Blame NBC. If it's the same Sprint commercial I watched, it's mildly humorous if that makes you feel any better. But go watch that video first before you finish reading, otherwise the rest won't make much sense and you might as well find something else to read).

How about that for a running stud eh? And I hear she is actually training for her 2nd marathon now.

So mammas (and non-mamma RFM fans), next time our little darlings seem to have gotten the better of us and we're thinking we deserve a mindless night of tv watching with a scrumptious bowl of ice cream (vanilla, with hot fudge, caramel and some pecans in case you were wondering...yum, yum :-) or you're just thinking your bed is a little too comfy, all warm and toasty, to roll out of for a run(for you crazy, yet highly respected, morning runners), let's just make this little pack and ask ourselves...What Would Jenny Do?

'Til next time...

Monday, April 27, 2009

So My Husband Wants A Short Post...

Because he thinks my other posts are far too long and people won't read them. Now, I'm not sure that this is something that I am capable of, but I'll give it a shot.

Let's see here. It should be about mommyhood and of course running. Hmmmm....

How about a random thought on one of my desperate running days when trying to figure out how to squeak a run in AND watch my two small girls? Yeah, let's go with that. This actually crossed my mind one day:

I know I can run pushing a jogging stroller. I wonder if I could run while pushing the jogging stroller AND wearing a baby carrier? Wouldn't that be a bizzarro case of shaken baby syndrome?

Nope...not really feelin' this. I'm not even giggling a little bit while I'm writing and that CAN NOT be a good sign. I am only going to let this post fly for one reason and one reason PROVE that I am not capable of a short post that's worth anything.

So my apologies to you all for this blah blah post but I have a point to make and in true mommy fashion I will not back down and do what I prefer to do and what is probably much easier. And I'm sorry if you all don't like it, but sometimes we have to do things we don't like. Life's not always fair and sometimes we have to learn our lessons the hard way. Please don't make me tell you again. Just be happy with what I've given you or maybe I'll give you nothing at all. Really, do I have to give you a timeout? (wait...what is it that we are talking about again? see I'm so bored I can't even focus. Just writing mommyisms.) And another thing...because I said so.

Anyone laughing? Bueller? Anyone?

See not funny and actually not so short either.

Back to good ol' me tomorrow...

PS. If this is your first time here, please go read another entry like the one about port-a-potty wars, or the greatest threat to my sanity, or stealing my husband's running socks or treadmill dot watching. This one is just not funny :-(

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Top 10 Reasons I Am Thankful (AKA My Carefully Disguised List of Gripes)

Thinking positive...thinking positive...thinking positive...

Ok here we go:

#10 I AM THANKFUL FOR DOGS - Cute, fluffy, cuddly, man's best friend. I LOVE Dogs really I do, but you'd think man's best friend could figure out that man isn't so fond of his business smack dab in the middle of the running trails and even more so you would hope the owner of man's best friend would realize that the rest of the general public is not excited about said business on those same trails. Furthermore, unless your dog is in fact, cute, fluffy and cuddly (or even if he is for that matter) there is this ingenious invention called A LEASH which keeps him close to you and off my heels because again I LOVE dogs but NOT at all when I am running. (PS. just because your dog "don't worry, doesn't bite" does not mean I enjoy having him chasing after my heels irregardless of his size...yeah, not fun for me)

#9 I AM THANKFUL FOR TREES - Ahhh beautiful trees, beautiful budding trees in early spring so gorgeous to look at. Wait...what's that? When they are budding they in fact do not also have leaves and therefore provide NO SHADE? That would explain my sunburn.

#8 I AM THANKFUL FOR SPRING - One of the reasons I live in MI, I enjoy all the seasons, especially when they first change from one to the next. Spring is my favorite. Spring, you know the season that comes near the end of March thru early June, nice and sunny, yet still mild temps with a few light breezes. You today...when it was 83 degrees and hurricane force winds (that were not cool I might add) smacking me in the face no matter which direction I ran. WHAT? WHERE IS MY SPRING?!

#7 I AM THANKFUL FOR COOL BEVERAGES - Hot gatorade...need I say more?

#6 I AM THANKFUL FOR NEW SHOES - So nice and cushy when you first put them on. Just FYI: They are not officially broken in until you've taken them on you first long run. Five blisters today on one foot and a very sore arch on the other. (oh but on the positive side of things I got to try out our new pain relief creme, Emu Eeze, on my tender tootsies. All but one blister is gone already and my arch is only mildly irritating me now, so that was pretty sweet. See I am a positive thinker!) Anyway, I'd say the shoes (or maybe my feet) are broken in now.

#5 I AM THANKFUL FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T STINK - Am I the only person who has a heightened sense of smell when I run? (also when I'm pregnant by the way) I'm not talking sweat here or someone with an unrecognizable body order (that only happens when you are stuck in a line or in a crowded church pew, or is that just me?) Perfume is the culprit. Who wears perfume when they go out to exercise anyway? And even if you're just going for a nice leisurely walk, have a little respect for those of us who are working their guts out (or dare I say up and out for some of us...not me. I'm not working that hard these days :-)

#4 I AM THANKFUL FOR GU - Ok seriously, I love that stuff and in one desperate and shameful night I almost sucked down a vanilla bean gu to silence the call of my sweet tooth. Only by sheer determination and will power (ok and maybe a fear of what bad habit that would become) did I march myself upstairs and go to bed. Yes, I have issues with sweets but that's another story altogether. However, I do not love gu coated all over my fingers in the last mile of a hot hot 10 mile run when I am faced only with two options: use the last remaining bit of my water so I'm not so sticky OR run on. I chose to run on (and attempt to lick it all off my fingers as I did...I actually have no shame)

#3 I AM THANKFUL FOR FLAT TRAILS - No, I'm still cutting hills some slack here. I will not even be mentioning the hills on my trail (7 by the way, one at the end that almost sucked the very life out of me...oops! I guess I am mentioning them) I mean trails that don't slant to one side or the other and put your feet at weird angles when you run thereby making all the rest of your joints do weird things to adapt. Anybody know of any in my area by the way?

#2 I AM THANKFUL FOR WILD ANIMALS - Really. No, seriously. It's kind of cool to see the little squirrels, ducks, sometimes even a deer out on the trails. It's the terrorist geese I'm not to sure about. They're sitting there right by the edge of the trails, not moving a muscle waiting for the perfect moment to launch their attack. I just know it. All I could think about was the movie The Birds and it's sequel coming to theatres everywhere this summer: The Geese.

One of those suckers, sat there watching us run by and then at the last minute popped up and started to sort of goose waddle/run next to us for a little stint (yep, we were so slow a goose could keep up...must I remind you...83 degrees!) It was so bizarre and once we got ahead a little, I knew at any moment he was going to let loose and start flying and bite me in the bottom (or would that be beak me? they have no teeth right?) Those geese will do anything to win I hear.

#1 I AM THANKFUL I AM A CHRISTIAN - Not only for the whole Jesus being my Lord and Saviour and the promise of an eternity in Heaven and all, but because of this "Oh LORD, get me up this hill!" "Please God, let me finish!" and any of the many prayers I utter throughout my run. I mean give this a thought for a second: what do atheist runners say to themselves to finish a tough run? Boggles the mind.

So that was my hot, windy, stinky, run today. The kind of run that makes you feel like you are an expert walker when you're done (meaning I had to struggle so hard to finish that last little bit of it that after a little rest and a stretch I felt like, hey my run may have sucked, but look how good I am at this walking thing, it's not even a little hard) But it's in and done and I didn't quit (even though that was quite possibly the smarter thing to do today because it was so darn hot.)

One more week on my way up (13 next Sunday) before I start to taper back down for Bayshore.


Friday, April 24, 2009

Pretend Running & Runfastmommy Shirt Status

Almost reached a new low today ladies and gentelmen...had an easy 5 miles to do and my husband's Aunt Shellie graciously came over to watch the girlies so I could get it done on the treadmill during the day and she could have a little play time with the kiddies.

To her surprise, despite the gorgeous weather outside, I opted once again for the dark dingy confining walls of my basement. You see the basement has it's pluses, it's cool for one and so therefore I could run in pants rather than shorts which the outside temps were demanding and I wasn't quite willing to brave today, mostly because of the forest growing on the pastey white backdrop which happens to be my legs (don't worry...the forest has been they'll be only 1/2 as scary should you happen to pass me on the trails this weekend if you're in my area.)

So, I get downstairs and start the run only to realize that my left hip, right knee and right ankle are all giving me a hard time. WHAT THE HECK?! Of course, I'm not stopping, I'd just like to know where in the world (is Carmen San Diego?) did all this come from. I run a little farther. Not even to a 1/2 mile yet and I further realize that I am dog tired. The kind of tired where you're thinking there's a real possiblity that your legs could just give out at any moment. Now I've run enough to realize that running has it's ups and downs and at any given moment you could be up or ...well...down. So, I'm thinking, just down right now, just getting started haven't loosened up yet, I'll run all this stuff off.

But by 1 1/2 miles and not even the teeniest bit less tired or sore, a new thought starts to cross my mind. Really I could just PRETEND I went for a run. Aunt Shellie and the girls are upstairs, the treadmill is pretty loud, I could just leave that sucker running, lay down on the floor and take a nap. No one would ever have to know.

And for another mile, this is all I thought about. Could I pull it off? That little piece of carpeting over there would be probably be pretty cushy, but frankly I don't care even if it's not. I could run a little just before I go upstairs to look all sweaty and out of breath. Do I really need to get this run in? Shouldn't I really rest these little aches and pains? I deserve a nap right?

Then I thought of you all and my publicly announced goal (and the fact that I was now almost halfway done helped a bit too) and I realized that I can't just sit around on the couch eating Cadburry eggs (especially b/c I ate the last one today) and giving the illusion that I'm running when I'm not. So despite how desperately I just wanted to take a secret nap today, because of you all I ran.

So thank-you (I hate you) from the bottom of my heart (and the depths of my soul) I am forever grateful (and suggest you watch your back) that you kept me on track today (and stole my nap and forced me to run in pain) and because of this I know that I am now that much closer to my goal (or hunting you down). No, in all seriousness, who knew a blog would keep me on target? The rest of my run was spent thinking about how I was going to blog this and went by fairly quickly and as expected I am no longer tired. Now the soreness is another story, but thankfully my husband offered to stretch me (he's got a degree in sports med which I found out today is nothing more than a degree in finding which way you move hurts and then forcing you to move that way to "stretch you out"...thanks hon)

As for the shirts...we are a go people. I am currently choosing shirts and working with a good friend on the logo. So keep an eye posted because I'll be announcing the first contest very soon in which the winner will guessed it...a shirt! Because here on we're all about blood, sweat and tears (or boogers, vomit, and know I can no longer write a post without poop in it right?) and we're going to earn those shirts dangit (another mom cuss word). At least for now, until I release my whole line of runfastmommy sporting apparel and matching children's activewear, which will come shortly after the launch of my runfastmommy fragrance (called you stink mommy) and chain of hotels (run away here mommy) and let's not forget of course about the motivational book and cd series (runfastmommy tells all) all of course leading up to the runfastmommy revolution and the birth of the runfastmommy nation (otherwise known as RFM...see it's all worked out already). So stay tuned. You are not going to want to miss this.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Thwarted by My Shoelaces and Of Course More Mysterious Poop

Not to dwell on my daughter's bowel movements or anything, but I've got another doozy for ya. It happened this morning. Madelyn was happily bouncing away in her little jumperoo deluxe (which I highly recommend I might add, both of my girls love love LOVE this thing), and Chloe was on an exciting adventure of her own with the Little Einsteins, so I took the opportunity to go through the nine thousand movies I own and never watch in prep for a big garage sale.

Somehow, while in mid bounce Madelyn decided to do her business. Now, I didn't notice even a slight pause in her rythmic bouncing, so I'm thinking that's quite a feat in itself, but here's the truly amazing part: her diaper and the foot of her soft fuzzy footie pajamas were full of you know what. But here's my quandry: there was not a trace of poo anywhere else. So how did the child manage to send what she was packing...well..packing without leaving even a smidge of evidence of it's travels? She can't possibly have managed to find a way to empty herself via her big toe (or toe thumb as my 4 year old nephew calls it) although I am a firm believer that the big toe is quite the anomaly of its own. (Just look at it for crying out loud. It completely dwarves its toe ounterparts and is perhaps the only toe that can move in and of itself. The others are forced to move practically as a one semi-synchronized unit. And let us not forget it is also the only other toe that makes a serious attempt at growing it's own head of hair.)

Hmmm...perhaps I am not explaining myself clearly enough here. Her diaper AND her little footie was FULL. I'm not talking a stray nugget here. I'm talking FULL BLOWN MESS. Again, just imagine the possibilities. Must I remind you about the weapons...?

Ok onto other less smellier new running shoes. They are still sadly sitting patiently in their box. I was so excited to take them out on their first excursion yesterday. I had an 8 mile run planned and my husband graciously offered to take the kiddies to visit Grandma so I could introduce the shoes to my favorite running trail without the distraction of children. But my time was limited only about 4 hours.

Yes, I realize this sounds like ample time to get in 8 miles and you might be wondering just exactly how slow I am and what a crazy fool I must be to think I can possibly run a 1/2 marathon in 2:11 if I can't manage to get 8 miles run in 4 hours. So let me explain what exactly that 4 hours included. Only this: getting two children, fed, dressed, packed up and ready to go. Then of course getting myself ready for a run (not that that's a major project, I throw on some running clothes, hair in a pony tail, grab the gu and a bite to eat on my way out the door). Then drive 20 minutes to pick up my mom, who also needs to get a run in and head over to the park behind her house. Of course stop for a potty break, stretch a little (very little...I'm so so bad about this), run 8 miles, stretch a little more, grab a bite to eat lunch, drive home, shower, change, repack the kiddies, and get to church (this was Sunday). See I'm not as slow as you might think.

So in my rush, the last thing I do is throw on my new running shoes. Ahhh...they felt so good and I realize they're not laced right. At least, not for me. I'm an ankle looper. I make that extra little loop up near the ankle for a little more support. So I unlace them a bit and start to lace them up right only to realize the laces are far too short to accomplish what I am trying to do. Now I'm faced with a decision. I can either run with a floppy lack of ankle support that I'm not used to and risk injury, or I can completely unlace them and relace them with my old shoe laces risking running out of time and not being able to complete my run (or being late for church which is probably much more likely).

I opt for neither and instead sadly grab my old running shoes and head out the door and leave the new shoes to break in another day. Which quite possibly could be today, since we are just all chillin like Bob Dylan here at home as I wait for Madelyn to get sleepy enough for a nap so I can head on down to the basement for 4-5 miles and I've got plenty of time to relace. Well, barring any distractions that is. Perhaps I should quit typing and get to it before I miss this sweet opportunity eh?

'Til next time...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Greatest Immediate Threat to My Sanity: Shopping for New Running Shoes

And far far more exhausting than the actual training for the Chicago Marathon will be. I guarantee it. In fact, the two are not even comparable.

It all started this morning around 8:30 AM, when my mom called. She wanted me to go with her to get a new pair of running shoes. Simple enough right? And since, we were about half way to being presentable for the day (children fed, a little sticky faced and still in pjs, but I'd call that about 1/2 way) and I haven't had a new pair of running shoes since BEFORE I was pregnant with Madelyn, my 6 month old, I figured it was long over due. So I said, "why yes, of course we'll go with you." (or something like that anyway) And then it began...

First cleanup, teeth brushed, hair brushed, clothes on, and then the packing of belongings: bottles, diapers, baby food, change of clothes (never can be too careful, even if you think it's a short trip. My daughter has sniper aim when it comes her bodily fluids. No matter how perfect you think you've got that diaper on there, she possesses the unique ability to somehow make a mockery of it and a mess of her clothes in the long run. I promise you, I've had to change her clothes and NOT her diaper before. How is this possible? I have no idea and am not even sure if NASA scientists could figure it out, but if they could perhaps it could somehow be used to our advantage. North Korea is working on nukes...we could work on our very own the weapons of A_ _ destruction. And I officially can not believe I just wrote that. Do I leave it? It's cracking me up so I think so. Wow! I am so far off on a tangent is it even possible to get back on topic or do I just keep rolling with this one? Focus...focus...)

That commercial interruption was brought to by...well...not Huggies anyway.

And we're I packed the girls and their gear up and got them in the car where I was faced with yet again the battle of the car seats. This time the enemy was Madelyn's seat. For some reason despite my best efforts, that seat has revolted against me and will NOT sit at the proper angle. I know this because that stinkin' little indicator dot that is supposed to be void of all color was screaming orange at me. So I made the executive decision, time to move up to the new car seat. Weight's right, height's right and I refuse to fight with that little car seat carrier deal any longer. So snap snap I hook up the car seat and find myself face to face with the same stinkin' problem. Wrong angle. ERRRRR.....So frustrating. Then, I solve that one only to find the buckles are all twisted up which is an entirely new battle for today anyway (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE PLEASE INVENT CAR SEATS WITH SAFETY BELTS THAT RETRACT INTO THE SEAT). Now, I'm sweating. Chloe is patiently sitting in her seat a spectator to my fist fight, while Madelyn is having her own battle with a little dangling monkey hanging from the handle of her car seat carrier which she's still sitting in.

Somewhere in the midst of my misery I discover Madelyn needs a diaper change (of the you can't pretend you don't know variety). I tag my husband, he works on the seat while I cleanup little Miss. When I get back, the seat's ready. Go Ollie!(that would be my husband). I put Madelyn in it only to realize I haven't adjusted the safety belts from back when Chloe was using the seat and they are not even remotely close to being in the right position for Madelyn. So now I've got to take Madelyn out of the seat for the third time, to completely re thread the safety belts through the seat. (frustrated sigh here...).

After I finish that task, I set Madelyn down in the seat and I kid you not, my three year old looks at me and says "Mommy, I got to go potty." You have got to be kidding me...She wasn't. AAHHHH!

Eventually, we all get strapped in, pick up my mom and start heading over to the running store...and...we get stuck in a traffic jam (please explain to me why roads can not be worked on during the week, during the day, excluding rush hour of course, or even better, in the middle of the know when there's not tons of traffic as opposed to mid-Saturday, when people are trying to enjoy their little bit of time off which I highly doubt any of them are doing at a dead stand still in the middle of the expressway, because of work that must be done on what so often appears to be NOTHING. Seriously, we were backed up for miles for one truck and one dude moving cones around, not putting them up, not taking them down, just moving them around a little. MILES!)

Needless to say perhaps, but by the time we finally get to the running store, it is now lunch time. So we go to Friday's, where my mom and I had a mountainful of appetizers and Chloe had the hugest bowl of macaroni and cheese with what looked like an entire can of oranges followed by a cup of dirt for dessert (chocolate pudding, crushed oreos, and gummy worms and she loved every minute of it). Now while Chloe was eating as if I hadn't fed her in weeks, Madelyn was wrestling with me, her rice cereal and some squash. Here's the thing about Madelyn: she always wants to go. Let me tell you, she's got the baby slide down like a two-year old pro and can practically free herself from my grip before I know what's happening. Only one problem, she can't even crawl yet, so she's not GOING anywhere, not that the floor of Friday's would have been the best choice anyway.

I could go on and on here about various trips to the bathroom for both my girls and a highchair boycott, but since we're not even to the shoe store yet and I'm a little tired, I'll move on.

Now picture this: my mom trying on shoes, my 6 month old trying to baby slide out of her stroller, and my 3 three year old who has suddenly found herself in a whole new world full of exciting possibilities which she is sure MUST include toys somewhere if only she looks hard enough, and all the while some teeny tiny sales rep whom I can only assume has not only never had children, but has probably never even met very many ("honey, your mommy's trying on shoes" in a whisper is of no concern to a three year old...nice try though lady) asks me questions about my feet.

Somehow, I manage to get a new pair on and the sales rep says to me I can go take them outside for a little run on the sidewalk if I want to test them out. And for a brief moment, the thought of running away crosses my mind. But I opt for taking Chloe out for the run instead, which she loves and wears her out a little in the process. Repeat for test shoes number two which happened to be the new version of the pair I already own and the winners since I am now worn out enough that I no longer care which shoes are on my feet as long as the soles haven't had the life squashed out of them. We pay and head for the door, of course not without one last request for a drink of water from the water cooler and a quick grab of a handful of those little plastic shoelace thingies (you know the ones I'm talking about, those little clips, what are those called?) which I try to simply shake out of Chloe's hand (because I don't have enough hands to hold Madelyn and Chloe's arm AND pry her fingers open) only to find she's got a death grip on them so now I look like a silly fool shaking and shaking thinking she's going to drop them any minute but wind up pulling out the mom voice coupled with the first AND middle name to finally get her to drop them.

Fortunately for me though, both girlies fell asleep on the way home so I got to have a nice quiet drive. Of course they were both raring to go when we got back, and I hadn't had that sweet luxury of a nap.

So I type this for you all with heavy eyes, and the remnants of a headache that tylenol could not quite knock out but also A NEW PAIR OF RUNNING SHOES!!!

P.S. Nike Structure Triax if anybody's interested. They're stability shoes, a little more on the snug side in the midfoot/top of toe box which I like.

P.P.S. This does not mean I no longer want to win that tribal running gift card ( go signup and give me a shout out as the one who referred you to help me along on my foolish quest) or that my feet will not be smiling if I do. I'll just be purchasing something else that will put a smile on their little foot faces, something else they so desperately need. Come on know what it is. Think dirty little secret #4.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

10 Minute Miles & The Sillines of Setting Goals

The Bayshore 1/2 Marathon is coming up for me in another month or so. It'll be the first run on my own, balls to the wall (tennis on an indoor court, what did you think I was talking about?) that I've attempted since the birth of darling daughter number two 6 1/2 months ago. Well no wait, let me rephrase that. First full effort race since before I was pregnant with darling daughter number two. I mean can you just imagine me, some crazy lady, big as a house, pregnant, ponytail flapping in the wind with my racing bib bouncing up and down on my giant babyfilled belly with sheer determination on my face running in some 5K or something? No, I wasn't running any races pregnant, nor was I running at all actually while I was pregnant. A good brisk walk was about all the exercise I could handle, although some might accuse my running style of being just about the same...a good brisk walk.

So I have formulated a goal (because that is what us runners do). One that I've devised in a sort of peculiar manner. First and foremost, I wanted it to be challenging. I mean what's a goal if it's not challenging? Something, I've got to push myself to hit. Then I remembered I once heard a fairly fit priest comment that we're all so lazy these days that most grown adult men can't even run a 1o minute mile which got me thinking about back in highschool when my cousin and I went out for a run. The one and only run we ever ran together. You see, I being the runner of the family and he being the soccer star of the family, he deffered to me when it came to picking the pace. I (sprinter at the time with absolutely no knowledge about times and distances not measured in meters or at least meters over say...400 meters) happily replied that I could run a ten minute mile. Long story short, we returned walking, me with my hat handed to me (although I don't actually recall wearing a hat ;-).

Ten minute miles are my nemesis. It's almost as if my very running life depends on it. Now I am a firm believer that as long as you are moving those two feet in a semi-quick sort of fashion and it's faster than your walk to get to the hostess at Applebees on a Friday night before the people in that car that pulled in next to you at about the same time (so you can get a table first without the other people noticing of course), and your doing so on a somewhat semi-regular basis, then yes, my friend you are a runner, no matter what the speed. But for some reason, I am driven like a wild woman with a chocolate craving, to improve upon my times. Maybe the old sprinter in me? I don't know. But I think it started with that little ten-minute mile spark implanted in me many years ago by my cousin and later re-lit by a man of the cloth who happens to at times sport running shoes with his collar.

So I'm announcing my 1/2 goal here and now and I EXPECT all of you to hold me to it (especially important since I have been punking out of runs all week in favor of Cadbury eggs on the couch in front of the tv) Here it is:

Yep that would be 10 minute miles for the whole 13.1. (Why do I flinch a little when I type that? ) I think it's doable. My long runs have been 11:30minutes, speedwork at about 7 1/2 minute miles, and tempo runs right on 10 and I'm ready to pick it up just a touch now I do believe.
Secretly, I have another goal. You know the goal you REALLY want to hit, being that all conditions are right, weather, wind, legs, joints, feet, pre-race pasta dinner, sleep, breakfast, outfit, potty lines and just your general all around running disposition. But this is the somewhat unrealistic save yourself some embarrassment and tell no one goal, so I'm keeping it to myself.

And of course I also have a backup goal, which would be the goal that you really start to focus on about half way through the race when things are just not working out as planned and your shoe has somehow managed to rub off your band aid (or mole skin for you pros out there) and you know that blister can't take much more, or you discover that there's a stray stitch in you running shirt which is now causing chaffing in a location you didn't expect, or that pot hole just jumped right up out of nowhere and bit you somewhere that's now making it very hard for you to continue running. One of those races. That back up goal would be kind of like this "please God. just anything faster than the last time." That goal.
So those are my goals. In summary:
Bayshore 1/2 Marathon
Goal: 2:11
Backup: Please Lord anything under 2:31
Ideal: Na na na na na na ...I'm not telling. But feel free to guess :-)
So tomorrow will be some more speedwork, but tonight....where are those darn eggs?
'Til next time...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Introducing....the New Me!

Or as Chloe would say "Da Da Da Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." So we're basically setup with the new format here on A few little tweaks still need to be made, like a translation tool that's drifting into my posts. And I've got a few more things to add, but we're well on our way and the best news of the day is that all my lovely followers came along for the ride!

So take a little peek around, pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. I've got lots more running tales to tell here in our newly remodeled home.

Monday, April 13, 2009


Brace yourselves. I can't say how and I can't say when, but is going to undergo a major formatting change, the best that blogger combined with my lack of html code has to offer.

Why? Because look at us. We're a jumbled cramped up mess here and after spending a few days checking out other blogs and available templates, I'm starting to feel well...a little exposed. As if that new neighbor of mine stopped by unannounced and stumbled into the disaster my house happens to be when I haven't had at least the forewarning to be able to hide some dirty laundry in the washing machine and toss my daughters toys in her toybox.

I mean what kind of first impression am I making here. Don't get me wrong. I'm not all that concerned with what people think of me. I am what I am. But I would at least like to give a somewhat accurate representation of who I am and while the messiness of this current format does suit me (although I hate to admit it). It does not in fact define mine. That my friends you will find in what I write, which I'm afraid is too easily overlooked by sloppy formatting.

HERE'S THE BIG WARNING THOUGH: I MAY LOSE YOU! Hear this loud and clear. Best I can tell, when I make this move I am losing my followers. Now, I will do everything in my power to prevent this from happening, but all tests have been a major failure so far. The good news...if you've found me on facebook, my blog is imported there and you'll see it when I post again. Other than that though, I'm just going to have to ask all 15 of you to kindly check in again if you quit seeing my posts and re-establish yourself as followers. If you do not, I can not be held resposible for the sheer silliness you will be missing.

Ta Ta for Now! (Tigger's on)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

This is A Test. If This Were A Real Emergency...

Ok so I've had some requests for email subscriptions for my blog (unbelievable I know). So I just added a widget (I swear this sounds like a word you'd make up in scrabble if you had to get rid of that stinkin' w) And now I'm testing to see if I actually get an email update. Cross your fingers. Soon your daily dose of me could be delivered free of charge to your inbox.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Informal Poll: Shirts or No Shirts?

Oh wait fellas, let's not get too excited (although I will remind you I'm a momma, with the 2nd baby only 6 months old, so let's just say not in peak physical condition right now) I'm talking runfastmommy shirts.

See here's the thing. I know the unspoken runner rule, you don't wear the shirt for the race you are competing in just like you don't wear a shirt of the band you're going to see in concert (if you don't know either of these rules...see me privately...we may need to talk) And although my collection of technical shirts from various races is piling up so I could in fact mix it up here and there, I'm thinking hey, I wear those all the time during the week. Why am I'm throwing my support to some event that I really have no connection to (except that massive buckets of my sweat has been absorbed into each of their courses) when I could be adding to my own loyal crew of followers without which my little blog site would be nowhere near the hilarious little piece it is (seriously, go read the comments if you don't know what I'm talking about. They crack me up daily or at least semi-daily when I make a new post. For that I thank you all :-)

I digress (shocking!). Anyway, I saw this dude at my last race who had a website across the back of his shirt. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't the best address to have chosen, because a couple of miles later I hadn't a clue what it said. But I'm thinking isn't that hard to remember and maybe if I add some intriguing tag line like "It's kinda funny" (any other suggestions? that's all I got right now) somebody might be more likely to retrieve that file from the innerworkings of the brain later depending of course on how long the race is and exactly how many fuzzy spots they're seeing at the end.

So here's the informal poll question or wait, what did I call it before? Ahh...yes QUESTION OF THE WEEK (pay no mind that it is Thursday already, I refuse to limit myself to labels such as days of the week): Do I get shirts made up or am I just a huge dork?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Oops! Almost Forgot This!

Well, actually I didn't know it existed until I went to go upload this picture and realized it wasn't a picture but a little video of Chloe's race and since this is in fact not only my running blog, but also the ultimate brag book, I figure what the heck. And it's only like 15 seconds long, so I don't think it's like one of those never ending slideshows about some vacation my Grandma used to make me watch when I was a kid (no offense to Grandma, she takes pretty sweet pictures and all, but I was like 8 and didn't know any of the people and inevitably something would go wrong with the projector and therefore extend the time of my misery. Not that Grandma even owns a computer or anything, but just in case she has an undercover spy working somewhere in my ranks, I thought that I should perhaps address this)So that and also that my brain is currently fried and therefore unable to come up with anything to write at the moment even with my handy dandy brainstorming sheet (hmmm...where is that again?) is the reason I'm posting this.

So enjoy the little video and we'll chat some more tomorrow... Oh and just FYI, yep, she's talking about Bill (the dude Chloe named in the mysterious red costume, which has recently been identified by a loyal follower as the Key Bank mascot...thanks Sarah!)

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Porta-Potty Wars & A New PR-WOOHOO!!!

Ok I start this realizing that the story I am about to tell is going to be nowhere near as funny as it was in person. Disgusting? Probably yes. But as funny? I'm thinking no.

So it was the big Martian 1/2 Marathon for me and my mom today and like all good runners we did what runners do before a race...pee. Despite how many times you go at home, and how little you drink in advance you are stopping at those delightful little port-a-potties before you head to the starting line (and quite possibly still peeing in a bush somewhere around the beginning of the race. Seriously, it's the only time that people don't bat an eye at public urination. Go to a race. It's like your in the twilight zone).

So my mom and I pick the shortest line because we had only 15 or so minutes to spare and still wanted to get in a good stretch. But I was quickly having flashbacks to what seems like every single time I'm at the grocery store and I pick "the short line," only to find the longer line moving much much faster. In fact, our line was not moving at all. Suddenly, I started to become worried about the fate that would most surely await me if I ever in fact did make it to the pot. After a brief discussion with a school teacher behind us, who still needed to get her race bib from her car I might add, about what exactly was going on, we discovered a few things.

First of all, we were in line behind people who were far more concerned with socializing then they were with actually going to the bathroom (which in my book means you didn't really need to be taking up space in line) and while they were lost in conversation, the people in the line next to us had taken over one of the 4 port-a-potties that were by virtue of vicinity, ours to be using.

So a few shouts from our beloved schoolteacher and the social butterflies got on the ball and reclaimed our rightful potty #4 to wild applause none the less (I kid you not). Now with the line moving we bid our farewells to our hero, the school teacher, and got on with our business.

I'm in and out right (no way I'm taking the blame for an already frustrated-yet slightly revitalized due to our battle victory- line of people having to wait even a minute longer) And as I stand there waiting for my mom to return, I pose as something of a spy, as the other line plots its revenge and it's next assualt on potty #4. Only one problem, no one's coming out. And the discussion turns to what's taking #4 so long. Then I realize, #1, 2, and 3 have all been in and out a number of times. Where is my mom? Did she head off with out me? Or is she the dreaded potty hog?

Just as I'm on the verge of abandoning my post to go find her, she emerges, waving her arms wildly from potty #4. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh" She had made a vital discovery. That "dreaded fate" I feared earlier had been hers. As she sat down to do her business in the wee morning hours of the dark dark porta potty, she put her hand down to brace herself (we women hover in those deals). Unfortunately, she put her hand down on the ONE THING you would not want to put your hand on. Yes, the original delay with potty #4 was that somebody could not quite figure out the most appropriate place inside the porta-potty to empty the depths of his bowels. The second delay was my mom trying to clean herself up and God bless her she even tried to clean the seat up so that no other poor souls would have to suffer her fate (she's a saint I tell ya).

So the rest of our pre-race prep consisted of her trying to get me to smell her (I didn't) and check her out for any remaining you know what while she complained that she was for sure getting hepatitis or some other disease.

However she pulled it together at the last minute, and with no signs of snow (like they were predicting)and actually fairly mild temperatures, she did a great job. Despite the hills, we ran 2:31:50 (I know you're all going to go look it up anyway so I figure I'll just tell you)A 3 minute PR for my mom! I AM SO PROUD! And I know when we get to our next one, Bayshore (flat like a pancake) at the end of May, she is without a doubt going to break 2:30 like she's planning because without hills and without poopy clothes they'll be nothing to hold her back.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Mini Martian Marathon Slide Show - Story Below

My 3 Year Old's Marathon: Martians, Multitudes, and of course a Mountain

Today was the big day. With 25 miles under her belt (in 3 months time, I'm not running some sort of kiddie boot camp here) today was the big finish. 1.2 miles in front of adoring crowds at the Kids Mini Martian Marathon. We may have brought up the rear, in a field of oh I don't know 500 or so kids, but that child of mine stopped only for a quick hug after a fall (pretending to be a galloping horse has it's risks), a peek to see what was going on under a bridge we ran over, and a brief attempt at trying to get the attention of some dude in a a red costume (I have no idea what he was supposed to be, but I can tell you he was affectionately referred to as Bill since in the mind of a 3 year old everyone MUST have a name), who, by the way, Chloe would later discover was not as much fun close up.

And well ok, I also had to carry her on the hill. Yes, that's right I said hill. Now what sort of nazi, communist race planner puts a hill on a kids run, and almost at the finish no less, I have no idea. Carrying Chloe was not because she couldn't handle it. In fact, she did, she ran right up that puppy. The only problem was she kept making a bee line for the edge of it yelling "I gonna jump" with a wild grin on her face. So yeah, I opted to carry her.

After the race we rewarded her with rice (from Mongolian BBQ...yum...and excellent pre-race carbo loading for me) and ice cream. So I know this sounds like a strange combination here. But she's been wanting rice for the past few days (her inner runner was calling out to her "you need carbs Chloe") and I didn't have any on hand. And as for the ice cream, well, come on do I really need to explain that?

So that was the race. It really was a blast. If you live in Michigan and have kids, check it out for next year. Tomorrow, my turn. One last time...ugh..hills.

Friday, April 3, 2009

My New Piece of Running Flair and A Shameless Plug

If you've been on my blog anytime within the last day or so, you might have noticed my little bling over there in the right side menu right under subscribe to my blog (which I might add is an option for those of you who just don't want to miss a minute of my ingenious life philosophy on running) I've got a new button over there for Tribal Running of which I am now a member.

So what's this Tribal Running? Glad you asked. Tribal Running is according to their words "a community of runners built by runners." Now in my own, it's a pretty sweet new running website on the grow where you can do a little more chatting on all things running, see what races are coming up, track your own workouts, buy some new running swag, meet some running friends who share in your insanity and why yes, of course, read more hilarious running blogs.

Now here's the plug. Go join Tribal Running. Click my little button over there on the right. Why? I want to win a freaking gift card. Why do I want to do this? I have no idea. Perhaps just because it's there to win so my competitive spirit can't help but surface. Or maybe it's because a new pair of running shoes is sorely overdue and I can hardly stomach spending $100 or more on something that I'm only going to be able to keep on my feet for a few short months before I'll have to buy another pair. Or maybe it's because I just want the bragging rights. But mostly I think, it's just a cool site and I'm in favor of promoting all things positive for running. After all, it's a pretty important part of my life.

So here's what you need to do. Hop on over there. Check it out. Sign up for an account and when they ask who referred you put me, Kelly Collins, blogger extraordinare (ok don't really write that, just my name will do). I'll be sure to give you a shout out of some sort on my blog if you do, although I'm not really sure if I will actually know that you've signed up unless you tell me. Oh and my feet will thank-you too ;-) I'll even post you a picture of my new running shoes and perhaps even a picture of my smiling feet should I win (if you would like to see feet smile you will have to help me win).

PS. The Kids Mini Martian Marathon is tomorrow for Chloe! We just squeaked in our last 2 miles today. So she's done her 25. Tomorrow is the big finish. I'll be sure to post pictures!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

A Little Clarification & Why Hills Are Like Toddler Car Seats

Ok ok. I'm giving hills a bad wrap here. I do not hate hills. For me they are exactly precisely like toddler car seats. I hate the thought of them. I know it's going to be a fist fight to get that stinking seat attatched in the car just the way it's supposed to be. I know that I'm going to physically break out in a sweat as I try to cram all of my body weight into the seat to make it tight enough so that the seat will not budge. I know that my daughter will never sit still enough for it to be a simple procedure to get her into the seat and that there's a really good chance when I go to buckle her the belts will have somehow managed to twist themselves in a manner that resembles something of a pretzel and brings me pretty close to the edge of insanity (for real...why can't they just make those belts retractable into the car seat like adult seatbelts? I mean is there a reason? Or is it just some sick soul who takes pleasure in seeing moms' heads explode?)

And of course I know that getting the seat out of the car is even worse then putting it in and will most likely result in actual physical injury to do so (scraped knuckles usually, but I have been known to actually fall out of the car on occasion in attempt to get them out...what can I say? It's a tight squeeze). I have even made travel decisions based on whether or not the car seats will have to be moved.

But ultimately, I like the benefits of car seats. Yeah yeah of course safety in the case of an accident and all, God forbid, but have you also considered the benefits of having your child strapped into a car seat for any period of time however brief that may be. They're not going anywhere. They're not getting into anything. Maybe a booger or two might end up on your window, but all in all there's a significant chance they're going to fall asleep and you'll get a minute or two of peace and quite. Ahhhh...sigh...just thinking about it makes me smile. I love car rides.

So what I'm saying is the positive far outweighs the negative. So ultimatelyI do what I have to and I deal with that seat. Now as for hills... Hate the thought of them, like carseats I know it's going to be a battle (an uphill one, haha...ok that was lame). I'm going to be tired, sore, my legs are going to burn and I'm going to wonder why I'm doing it in the first place. But ultimately, I know the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It's overcoming a challenge. Keeping things interesting. And most importantly, making me a stronger runner in the long run. So yes, I complain, but I really don't actually hate them. It's just the thought of them that I despise.

But in 3 more days, those hills willl be run. Ugh...3 more days to hate them.