Thursday, October 1, 2009

Snot Rocket Jeaoulsy, Pesto Puke, & Mace...My Run Last Night

And that pretty much sums it up. But you know I'm going to elaborate b/c brevity is the one word lacking in my vocabulary (or not, since I just used it...but I think you know what I mean)

My husband and I went out for a run last night. Our first (and only) run in training together for the Chicago Marathon. You see in June he had to have knee surgery and he's been pretty much sidelined since then. Well until the last couple of weeks anyway, but he's been TMing it (for those of you not familiar with my hip slang, that would mean running on the treadmill) and me too but since we can't really run on the same treadmill at the same time (or can we? Wouldn't that be interesting?) we've been running seperately. And my long runs that are actually outdoors on the much less forgiving pavement, have been, well, a little longer than he should be running at the moment (although I know he'd probably give it a valiant effort).

So yesterday, in the early AM while I frantically fed my 1 year old a mess of Turkey Rice dinner puree and cereal as she threw puffs on the floor and my 3 year old complained about her choice of breakfast being too spicy (??? I have no idea. It's not like I gave her a Mexican Omlette or something. It's cereal, granola bar or yogurt) as I attempted to get to the doctors office on time, my husband asked if I wanted to go run. "It's gonna have to be later I told him," and recited the to dos for the day.

After the dr's office forgot about us in the waiting room, (literally, they didn't put my 1 year old's chart out for the nurse, of course I was busy watching these guys clean a HUGE fish tank-which is really cool btw-and trying to keep my littlest girlie occupied so I didn't notice until 25 minutes later that people who came in way after us we're been seen in our place) and then finding out I needed a perscription for my little girl (she's totally fine, nothing major, just something minor we need to take care of. No worries :-), we headed home now time for a second round of food on the floor and meal complaints after which I'd need to get Madelyn her script. So when I got home and my husband asked, "Are we gonna go run?" I sadly had to tell him, (**sigh**)"not yet."

With the girlies fed and the littlest peanut down for a nap, I took my 3 year old with me to the store to get some groceries and pickup the perscription. Simple right? Nope. Not in my world. In my world, I get to the pharmacy and ask for the perscription they called in at 11:30 that morning only to find out it's not there and my daughter is not even in their computer (which I have no doubt is probably somehow my fault anyway.) So we add her and I call the dr's office to see what happened. Should probably take 5 minutes right? But in my world, I get put on hold for a good 5 minutes to finally have someone answer who hears out my problem and responds with, "one moment please," following which I am on hold for another good 10-15 minutes. Now I'd like to say no big deal, my three year old and I just went and got started on our grocery shopping while we waited, but that was virtually impossible because in my world if you move more than five feet from the pharmacy an invisible ray is sent to your phone to block your cell phone signal so that you are unable to communicate with the outside world during your shopping experience. Thus rendering you unable to call and verify if you needed something, or if a deal on a high priced item is good enough to fork over the dollars for. You're only solution is to spend spend spend and your spending without even the slightest possiblity of interruption from a ringing phone of a fellow shopper snapping you back into reality from a world of happy consumerism at its finest (it's all a purposeful plot).

So yeah...I had to stand there and wait while my 3 year old's sucker was quickly turning to stick and my time was running out (that sucker should have distracted for at least 1/2 the shopping trip I tell ya) Finally, a voice on the phone returns, "How can I help you?" she asks. Polite enough, but I thought somebody was ALREADY helping me. Nope, just transferring me I found out. Great. I recap the whole situation to which this more helpful voice says "Yes, I see here we tried to call the perscription in, but it didn't go through." Ok somebody tell me if I am just completely off base here, but wouldn't it have been a good idea to call and let me know that at like 11:35AM when they tried it as opposed to 3:00PM when I'm standing in the store wasting my time and looking like a fool for something that's not there?

Moving on...they resubmitted and I was on my merry shopping way and quickly headed for the deli where they also sell ice cream cones for $1 to see if I could now manage to find another way to keep my 3 year old distracted while I got the goods after her patience had already worn out sitting at the pharmacy for 1/2 an hour. Fortunately, for me it worked and the cone was an ooey gooey sticky mess but happily contained within the confines of the cart and the nine napkins I used to cover my child with. She LOVED it (cotton candy ice cream if your interested) and was a terrificly hysterical mess of smiles and ice cream to look at. It was great.

So we get everything and head back to the pharamcy where the pharmacist informs me my 1 year old's perscription will only be $134. Are you kidding me!? So this is another 10 minutes of sorting out my insurance information. Oy! Followed by...self-checkout lanes which I am passionately and morally opposed to. COME ON! I am a mom. I have lots of groceries AND I have little kids who by the time I get to check out have had all they can stand. Since Meijer refuses to staff more than two checkout lanes with actual people, the lines are across the store and I'm forced to either wait for who knows how long while my frozen food melts or face the self checkout lanes where I have to ring up, bag AND entertain my bored child while the machine malfunctions (goes a little something like this "sit down. SIT down. No, don't touch that. Put that candy bar back. Just wait a minute. Leave it in the cart. Don't you poke a hole in that! Stop licking that! No, I don't have 5 lbs of apples. Yes, it did scan already. It IS on the belt. WHY WON'T THIS MACHINE WORK!! I SAID SIT DOWN!!) and the one person they have to help ALL the self checkout lanes with flashing red lights runs around with like a chicken with her head cut off (thanks Grandpa for the analogy!)

I take my chances with the self checkout and was surprised to discover that Chloe has FINALLY reached the age where self checkout is fun and she can help. YAY!! (Imagine rays of sun bursting through the clouds from Heaven and a choir of angels singing Alleluia here please).

So we get through without too much trouble and head for the car. We are in the home stretch! EXCEPT in my world some lady with a blond ponytail and pink workout jumpsuit and headphones approaches. Now understand, when I am out with one or both of my girls I am on point and not very excited about strangers approaching us, especially at grocery store parking lots where you hear about weird things happening. So as I'm strapping, Chloe into her car seat, I see this woman looking at me and begin to approach. I keep an eye on her and am trying to get Chloe buckled as quickly as possible so I can shut the door and lock it and as it becomes clear she's headed my way, I survey the scene to see if she has accomplices and who's the nearest person to call for help (yeah, I know I'm probably a bit of a freak about this kind of stuff, but I guess I'd rather be safe than sorry).

"Excuse me," She says. "Are you nice or mean?" Now, what the crack kind of question is that? "Why?" I ask her to which she proceeds to inform me she's in communications and has to talk to 30 random people a day and she'd like to ask me a few questions. Ok besides the fact that I graduated with a BA in Communications and never once was given an assignment of likes where you randomly stalk people in a grocery store parking lot and ask them questions, this just seemed totally bizarro to me. She had nothing on her anywhere identifying her as anybody and besides, she was twice my size. I might have been able to out run her, fat chance I was leaving my little girl and I though I might be like a wild tiger if I thought someone was trying to harm my child, this lady could probably have had me for dinner if she wanted to (yep, I know the expression is lunch but I want to be able to say this...) Speaking of which, it was now close to dinner time, I had a cart full of groceries and I STILL HADN'T RUN! So my answer to her, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm mean today. I don't have time." She stuck around for a minute trying to convince me while I put stuff away, but could probably tell she was wasting her time so she left to harass someone else. (NOTE TO THE WORLD: Mom's with little kids don't like being approached by strangers at grocery stores, gas stations, etc. It's weird and scary even if you are being honest, be prepared for mom claws to come out, especially if we've been having one of THOSE days which you may not be able to tell because we do our best to put on our cheery mom exterior for our kiddos. JUST PICK SOMEON ELSE!)

...and finally we're back home, putting gorceries away, making dinner, feeding the girls again (MAN, it's like they eat at least three times a day! ;-) And before I know it, it's past 6:30 and darling husband is asking "So are we going to run or what?" Now, we're fast losing daylight and I just finished a bowl of pesto pasta but, what the heck? He takes over the last couple ounces of the baby's bottle while I go change my clothes, pack of the girls bedtime clothes (we're dropping them off at my parents, near the trail we run and Chloe had pre-school the next day so I was hoping to have her in pjs and asleep on the car ride home, although that was sadly, not to be). And finally, by 7:30ish PM we're running. Our first and only run together training for Chicago.

And it pretty much went like the title says. I was jealous of my husband's snot rockets (although also afraid I might get hit with one. Gag.) Because try as I might, I just don't seem to be able to fuel those babies the way they should be which just ends up being a mess on my face. So instead, I just deal with the unwanted nose companion until the run is finished.

Pesto puke...well...almost. Though his endurance might not be quite up to par with mine just yet, my favorite semi-homeade pasta dish is not necessarily the best choice of food for me at least not within an hour of my run. The constant burping and struggle to keep it in it's new home, my stomach, was a battle from the get go. Well, either that or the glass of wine I had at dinner was the problem. I've never run on a glass of wine before. So perhaps needless to say, I had to slow waaaaaaaay down, but the good news is we were forced to stick together through the whole run.

Of course, I must also mention the mace. First time, somebody's ever pulled that out on me. Our run was 6 miles. Starting so late meant that by the time we turned around at three to head back it was dark, real dark in some spots that are heavily wooded. But we weren't alone on the trails, though other signs of life were sparse. With about 2 miles to go, we slowly gained on a man bundled like that kid from a Christmas Story walking at a pretty good clip. As we approached from behind, he never turned around but raised his arm straight out. Something was in his hand. As we passed, my husband said hello and I got a pretty good look at the little spray can of mace he was holding. The man nodded and lowered his can after we went by and I couldn't help but wonder, really, how effective is that little can of mace if you never even turn to look at your attacker? I mean there were two of us coming and he never even took a peek behind him, much less prepped himself and took aim. Or maybe it doesn't matter with mace, I don't know. Maybe you can wipe out a crowd with one squirt in their general direction.

So that was that and I'm reminded of a friend once telling me, "I don't know how you can be a stay at home mom. I couldn't sit around at home all day like that." HA! I WISH I could sit around ONE day all day because in my world that NEVER HAPPENS!

And we're just a little more than a week 'til Chicago. OH and I should tell you all on Sunday, I will be running my first race ever with my SISTER! That's right, she's been bit by the running bug too, even asked me to make her a 1/2 marathon training schedule for the Disney Princess Half next spring. This from the woman who has repeatedly told my mother and I, "I WILL NEVER RUN." Honestly, I think it might even be more contagious then H1N1, so if you're a non-runner reading this, better watch out!

Til next time...
May all your snot rockets successfully reach there destination.

P.S. I am totally digging the smell of Chicken Tortilla Soup I'm making in the crockpot right now. I've got a great recipe, quick easy and SOOOOO YUMMY! Anybody interested?


runnanna said...

So excited to get to run a race with BOTH my girls! RunSis has done a great job training. We are happy to welcome her to the love/hate (mostly love!) world of running. She's looking great too! is DARK on that trail at night. You can hardly see your hand in front of your face )OR a snot rocket headed in your direction! Ii'd rather do my dark running in the morning..too many crazies at night!

Staci Dombroski said...

Your story was hilarious! I am taking my daughter to the doctor today and I have been in that situation one too many times with the prescription being lost or misplaced!