Their mother was about to shamelessy become a lying thief. You see as I rounded the corner and saw this little jewel of a port-a-potty just a tad off the course near the construction site of a new house, what I also saw were two women, one who went in and the other who stood by outside waiting for her to finish. And while I would like to pretend I knew not what was happening, the truth of the matter is I plotted as I approached. A little something like this: "you know lady #1 is probably going to be finished by the time I run up there, but I think lady #2 is going to go in. But she's kind of standing far away, so maybe she is just waiting. Oh nope, she's taking off her racing pack. Oh look, there's lady #1 one, just finished. WHAT IS lady #2 doing? Is she going in or not? Now she's taking off her sweatshirt. Geez why isn't she ready to go in? No port-a- potty should be left unattended when there are people waiting to use them whether they know I need to or not. They should realize people are weighing their options from afar. Seriously, how much potty prepping must you do?"
And then what happened next I am not proud of, but it all happened so fast...I ran by the both of them and slipped into the port-a-potty while they were both looking the other way. Really, they were powerless to stop me. And for the full 30 seconds I was in there (seriously, I am in and out in a flash) all I could think was "OH MY GOD! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I JUST CUT IN FRONT OF THAT WOMAN!" and "What am I going to do when I get out of here?" Now you may think to yourself the story ends here... Perhaps the woman shot me a disgusted glare as I ran off to rejoin the race, but oh no, not in my world. In my world the story gets better, in my world the woman confronts me.
As I ran quickly out of the port-a-potty being careful to look only straight ahead and not at my victim, she stepped in front of me. Now it's on like donkey kong right? Nope. Lady #2 who's bathroom I stole heartlessly out from under her, is WORRIED about ME!
"Oh my gosh," she says to me, "are you ok?" This takes me completely by surprise and for about two seconds I have no idea whatsoever she could possibly be talking about. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Yeah, she's talking about the fact that I came running out of nowhere into the potty with a complete disregard for everyone else around me. Insert knife in heart now, I would have preferred the dagger stare I think.
And my response, you may be wondering, what do you say to that? Well, quite frankly, the only thing that popped into my head when I realized what she was talking about. (here's where the lying comes in) "I'm fine...oh my gosh we're you waiting? I'm so sorry." And then you run away quickly before you're found out to be the filthy stinking liar you really are hoping to never see them again.
But like I said before, since the truth always comes out, I figure it's better you hear it from me rather than the word on the street. And if you happen to be lady #2 at the Bayshore 1/2 Marathon blue (all the rest were green) port-a-potty near the house being built, than please accept this as my sincerest apology. All I can say is I really had to go, I really wanted to run 2:11, and I was temporarily insane.
I would like to say this will never ever happen again, but have I mentioned I hate liars...
PS. I actually am not lying about my time, in case you noticed the 2:22:40. Being that I was almost the last person to cross the starting line (you know because of the whole pre-race potty stop that helped me not), my gun time is far slower than my chip time.
PPS. In order to prevent such bathroom thievery from happening to you, might I suggest if you are waiting for the port-a-potty two things...1) stand NEAR the port-a-potty, 2) be prepared to enter the very moment the person using it is finished. Otherwise I can not be held responsible for my own actions ;-)