Saturday, March 28, 2009

Secret #6: I Run To Lose Chin Fat

Ok for starters I will just say I love my family. Both my mom's and my dad's side are some pretty fun and amazing people. From my Dad's Polish side I have a healthy love of sour cream which I can use as a condiment for almost anything and I have been known to eat sauerkraut cold (I was little, but man I still love that stuff!). I can't help but tap my foot a bit when there's a polka band playing anywhere in my vicinity and I know that most people don't know what paczki is and if they do they are most definitely misusing the word (your buying a box of paczki people, your eating A paczek unless of course your Fat Tuesday was a really really bad day, then perhaps you are in fact eating paczki which your hips will surely thank-you for in the future).

Hop on over to my mom's side and you'll find my firey red head of a Grandma and my hillbilly Grandpa from which I inherited a number of things including my height, my love of writing, a flat spot on the top of my head (which all children born into our family will at one point or another in their lives be subjected to a one time inspection where they will be forced to sit still while one of the elders finds said flat spot, following which they will be then initiated into the family by having each other member of the family take subsequent turns at confirming that yes in fact the flat spot is there and therefore this child is one of ours, as if, you know, the whole labor and delivery fiasco wasn't enough confirmation). Among these and other rare and unusual inherited traits, there is the one dreaded by all Phelps women alike...we lack a chin.

It's not that we have NO chin, it's just nothing to write home about. I mean nobody's going to ever take a look at me and say "dang, look at the chin on that mamma." Now the lack of actual chin bone, wouldn't be such a nuisance if it wasn't for what came with it. You see there's nothing there to stretch the skin and/or what lies beneath, and if you put on a little weight say because of, oh I don't know, pregnancy maybe, the fat rises up against your chin and threatens to swallow it whole and in defense your chin multiplies itself. You go straight from having no chin to having double, triple or God forbid even more chins. This is not a pretty sight. In fact, ALL Phelps women know but only one pose when taking a picture...ostrich. Stretch out your neck, jut your head forward a bit to a least give the appearance of chin.

Now over the years we've come up with various ways to disguise this dreaded chin: turtlenecks, scarves, carefully positioned hand placement. I've even come up with my own little makeup shading techinique to give depth and character to a chin which is otherwise non-existent. But all in all there is only one way to give the chin a fighting chance...exercise. I run so I can lose chin fat. It's always the last place to go, but go it least until the next box of paczki.

1 comment:

RunMom said...

Ok so paczki, in case you're wondering, would be dough delightfully deep fried and filled with custard or a variety of fruity jellies, strawberry, cherry, blueberry, lemon and even prune for the hardcore traditionalists. Sometimes topped with powedered or granulated sugar. So yep I'm pretty much describing a donut here, but these are like donuts on steriods big and loaded with enough calories to sustain a small African village. They are eaten one day only each year affectionately referred to as Fat Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday which is the start of Lent when devout Polish Catholics would fast. So in essence it was a way to rid their kitchens of all the stuff they didn't want to be eating during the 40 days leading up to Easter. This isn't just something exclusive to the Polish though. People of various heritages as I understand it (by reading the side of the paczki box) do the same thing. They just call thier little piece of Heaven in the form of a pastry something different. I'd give you some examples but I really can't remember right now. Maybe somebody else can fill us in? So there's your dose of Polish history for today. Oh and it is pronounced poonchkey (paczki, plural) or pooncheck (paczek, singular).

See stick with me and you will also be able to call yourself culturally diverse. Really the benefits of being my follower are just endless...